I have had two dates with Noire, and in spite of our Memorial Day romp there has been no sex. i know that that is not for long, since it is her passion. She has been waiting, waiting for my explanation as to why i engaged with her that night if i don't want a relationship, why that night i told her that i wanted to see her again.
Part of me did miss her, not enough to change my mind about the commitment, but still a missing.
And, i tired of saying "no" to her. Sometimes when a person is forceful enough it is too tiresome to hold your ground. The strategy of giving in is brilliant enough to seem ingenious, but is really just a way to prolong. She does not want to accept what i say, wants to believe what she perceives, and i didn't have the energy to keep fighting her off.
It will get bad, again, and the accusations will be worse, as i will shoulder the lion's share of responsibility.
If i could just feel enough to care.
