Sunday evening looked to be a mellow night. My friend Map and i decided to go out for a beer.
Somewhere along the way, we wondered exactly how many bars were in our town (and annexed a neighboring town so we could include some of our favorites). It was then decided that a trip to each and drinking one beer would be the order of the night.
At the first bar, Applebees (yeah, that's the downside of a stupid stunt like this- you gotta include the lousy chain restaurants), the list was compiled. It was then refined at the next bar, a Japanese restaurant where a lovely bartender named Lauren helped us think of more.
The list included 31. We got to ten before i called uncle.
The next morning, i found a traffic cone in the back of my car, and have no idea how it got there.
Best worst idea ever.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
plants are oblivious to their deaths
A friend recommended online dating sites, so i tried a couple. All in all, not a positive experience, mostly because i really am not ready to start dating, but also because i find the process cumbersome.
i started conversations with a couple of women, but found the conversations going so well that i didn't want to meet them; continuing on with friendly exchanges was enough for me.
Fear? Probably.
But when your heart's not in it to begin with you don't need that much trepidation to be daunted. KT listens to my stories about this with interest, and, i am sure, some jealously. It's as if i can never really settle on where i stand with her; at times the hate cycles so deeply i am surprised i even allow her into my bed. Other times, i see her sweetness, and can almost forgive her for breaking the one request i had of her, thereby damning my marriage.
i still fantasize that ExA and i will reconcile; highly unlikely now that she's onto her next serious relationship and i have seen enough photos and heard enough from The Land and The Sea to know he is special to her. And she rarely misses a chance to ensure how little i mean to her. Occasionally i confess to friends that i have these reconciliation fantasies, and they are incredulous.
It is hard for them to understand that although ExA is self centered and cold, that those are countered by traits so wonderful, it is easy to fall in love with her again and again.
It is her in her entirety that i am in love with, and cannot figure out why it wasn't enough to keep me from wanting otherwise.
i started conversations with a couple of women, but found the conversations going so well that i didn't want to meet them; continuing on with friendly exchanges was enough for me.
Fear? Probably.
But when your heart's not in it to begin with you don't need that much trepidation to be daunted. KT listens to my stories about this with interest, and, i am sure, some jealously. It's as if i can never really settle on where i stand with her; at times the hate cycles so deeply i am surprised i even allow her into my bed. Other times, i see her sweetness, and can almost forgive her for breaking the one request i had of her, thereby damning my marriage.
i still fantasize that ExA and i will reconcile; highly unlikely now that she's onto her next serious relationship and i have seen enough photos and heard enough from The Land and The Sea to know he is special to her. And she rarely misses a chance to ensure how little i mean to her. Occasionally i confess to friends that i have these reconciliation fantasies, and they are incredulous.
It is hard for them to understand that although ExA is self centered and cold, that those are countered by traits so wonderful, it is easy to fall in love with her again and again.
It is her in her entirety that i am in love with, and cannot figure out why it wasn't enough to keep me from wanting otherwise.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
pathetic, part 15
i am so nostalgic it's embarrassing.
Yesterday afternoon i needed to attend a VERY interesting meeting (Changes to the Global Medicaid Waiver)that was held at RIC. It wasn't until driving up there that i realized my good fortune: i would be at my Alma Mater in early November. Autumn was always my favorite time on campus, still very vivid in my mind.
This is where it gets pathetic.... imagining it's 1988 as i walk through the campus on my way to the student union.
It worked. It all came back in one form or another, images of friends, conversations, late nights at WXIN, the feeling that i could change the world through teaching literature.
i was so happy, if only for a few minutes.
Yesterday afternoon i needed to attend a VERY interesting meeting (Changes to the Global Medicaid Waiver)that was held at RIC. It wasn't until driving up there that i realized my good fortune: i would be at my Alma Mater in early November. Autumn was always my favorite time on campus, still very vivid in my mind.
This is where it gets pathetic.... imagining it's 1988 as i walk through the campus on my way to the student union.
It worked. It all came back in one form or another, images of friends, conversations, late nights at WXIN, the feeling that i could change the world through teaching literature.
i was so happy, if only for a few minutes.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
no time to gloat, let's get on with it
There is too much to say, so why say anything? Of course i am psyched that Obama won, although i voted for Nader.... Obama is a little too right wing for my taste, but you have to start somewhere. At least we'll have four years of an administration caring for the poor and middle class, among others.
Still, the energy at the Scurvy Dog Tuesday night was palpable. i was glad to be a part of it, with my friend Dave and a bar full of people who only wanted to see an end to Bush and his ilk.
Beautiful.
Still, the energy at the Scurvy Dog Tuesday night was palpable. i was glad to be a part of it, with my friend Dave and a bar full of people who only wanted to see an end to Bush and his ilk.
Beautiful.
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