:) = (:

The recent slew of suicides caused by people/kids being bullied for being gay, or perceived as gay, is heartbreaking.

In many ways, it is the ultimate irony that something that involves love inspires so much hate: people of the same sex cannot marry, cannot adopt, cannot live as a human should. While i am sure that it is not a crime to videotape someone having a sexual encounter and then broadcasting it so it leads to the person committing suicide, i am pretty sure you live the rest of your life with the knowledge that you are a pathetic, empty person who deserves nothing good.

i am a volunteer for the Marriage Equality organization in my state. On Columbus Day, we went out in our neighborhoods asking people to sign postcards that will be sent to their legislators in support of same sex marriage. In all, most people i spoke with were greatly supportive, or at least civilized. It got off to a bad start, however, when the second house i visited the person told me that he is a Christian and doesn't support it. As we walked down his driveway, he then went on to say "it's an an abomination."

As we walked away, The Sea asked what an abomination is; i wish i had said, loudly, it means Christians who haven't listened close enough to Christ.

kind

Was grocery shopping yesterday when a woman pushing her cart out of the aisle must have clipped the cart of another woman turning into the aisle. That woman loudly said, "Bitch."

It took me a few seconds to realize what i had witnessed, and i looked at the woman that said it, she looked briefly at me then continued on with her shopping, unfazed, as if that exchange was the way all people treat one another.

i have been trying very hard to be less judgmental, a trait that has bothered me my whole life; when someone drives aggressively around me, i pause and tell myself that they must have had a bad day. It has opened me to acceptance on many levels (accepting, liking, respecting ExA will be the final exam).

i don't understand why the act of being kind is so difficult, why people don't see how profound the pay off is. How can a person use such an aggressive word with a complete stranger?

i wish i had been more mindful to walk up to her and say, "Be kind." But she would have probably answered by calling me an asshole.

i go to movies

There is an odd uncertainty that comes over me when asked "How are you doing?"

Close friends and family used to ask it in a tentative tone in the months after my attempt, but, convinced that it is behind me, now ask in the same tone anyone would.

i pause, always, and, not wanting to resort to cliches, sometime say something ludicrous, like "rockin'!" Other times with "Fine. How bout you?" It's easier to redirect the conversation.

It is too difficult to answer. Most days it crosses a gamut of contradictory emotions.

i should reply with, "i go to movies." In that ninety to 120 minute period, i forget how i am, who i am, hiding in the dark i am just an observer and am angrily disappointed if the film is so bad that it doesn't make me forget me.