Hi, infidelity!

i have never been able to figure out why i am so bothered by infidelity in movies, TV shows or the lives of people i know. I suppose a first year psych student would say it's because I do not trust myself, but while I feel there is an element of that to it, there's something more.

A woman i used to work with e-mailed me a couple of days ago inviting me to join her while she attended a seminar in Massachusetts. i have been attracted to her for a few years, and it was clear that this could have been the culmination of that, but while i may have been flirtatious (something I do a very bad job at), it doesn't mean i wanted anything more than friendship. When the tenor of the e-mails headed in the "more than friends" direction, i addressed it head on. Her next e-mail conveyed that she was glad it was out in the open. By not beating around the bush, i avoid heading down a path i have mistakenly have traveled in the past.

Part of me craves her attention- i tell myself that it although my wife is drawing further away from our marriage, it is not an excuse to indulge this other woman. It has its conflict: in two past serious relationships, the potential for an affair came up and I passed on them for the sake of the relationship. Once those relationships ended, i found that my girlfriends were not as principled as i had been, which angered me to no end. I spent months, if not years, regretful that i did not just do it when the opportunities presented themselves.

Marriage is different, however. We're not just boyfriend and girlfriend, but husband and wife. And while at times my wife does not feel those roles carry the same weight that i do, i do not want to disrespect her.