green returns, as does blue

It is the low time of year, a two month span that starts around the 23rd of March and ends with the last day of May. i miss her less and less with each month, but still cannot help but leave flowers at the church door every year on our anniversary. Noire is patient with me, allows me my space although she wants to touch me, make it better....not sure she knows what causes the sickness. i am sure she has her suspicions, but they are misdirected: she probably blames ExA, and while she is an ingredient, it's an apathy for everything in my life- fatherhood, friendships, work.

i wish i had an evil twin

A woman that i work with came into my office about three weeks ago to tell me that she thinks that i am such a nice guy- i always help others, and act so kindly towards everyone at work. i thanked her, and in following days i thought about how we judge those we know very superficially by one trait that stands out. For all she knows, i could be keeping prostitutes held captive in a secret room in my basement. Although "The Vanishing" was a poor remake of the original film, i found Jeff Bridges character interesting for his justification as to why he kidnapped and killed Sandra Bullock's character (my sophomore film professor would be disappointed that i am not referring to them by their characters). To paraphrase, he had committed an act so heroic (saving someone from drowning) that he had to prove that he could be capable of an act so evil as well. i know that i endeavor to do nice things- build most of my beliefs around it, in fact- but it is the dark side of us that fascinates me. i imagine it fascinates others as well, otherwise all of those dark, violent crime dramas wouldn't exist on TLC. It has bothered others when i talk about how a person would murder another, or what drives a person to that point. i cannot say why it doesn't bother me as well, but i think it is the feeling that by embracing what a person can do, no matter how dark, we learn.