i wish you could see how beautiful you are, see through my eyes. It's as if everything we've accumulated cloaks you: at times i see you on our wedding day, other times how you looked in the hospital giving birth. The deep red of your pursed lips after you apply lipstick, the pale delicateness of your hands as you knit... i could easily become overwhelmed.
Do i do anything for you? Anything like this at all?
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Third Time Going Down?
Usually the rift lasts only a few weeks and then we reconnect, generally via a good conversation or laugh.
The conversations and laughs have come and yet we still cannot re-connect. Late at night, when she thinks i am sleeping, i am downstairs in our dark living room trying to make sense of why we are so far apart. Realizing that that, in itself, is my downfall, trying to think everything through, i sense a desperation like no other.
Because using my emotions leads to an even darker conclusion.
What do i do with my life, what remains of it, after having based so much of it on this love for her? It's maddening to know that in the end, it does not matter how much i love her, i can't make her feel the same for me.
The conversations and laughs have come and yet we still cannot re-connect. Late at night, when she thinks i am sleeping, i am downstairs in our dark living room trying to make sense of why we are so far apart. Realizing that that, in itself, is my downfall, trying to think everything through, i sense a desperation like no other.
Because using my emotions leads to an even darker conclusion.
What do i do with my life, what remains of it, after having based so much of it on this love for her? It's maddening to know that in the end, it does not matter how much i love her, i can't make her feel the same for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
