confession

i thought spending time on a date would make it seem real, our relationship. It didn't. You are a hell of a lot of fun, and beautiful, of course, but i am not sure we have something beyond that..... and the intimacy. At least from where i'm standing. i am pretty sure you don't see it that way.

Afraid to admit further that i needed you so much at a time when my marriage was weak that i created you into an ideal. You are ideal, just not my ideal.

i fear that A will always be my ideal.