It has almost been five years since ExA and i separated then divorced. i have spent an embarrassing amount of time "figuring it out" on my better days, i realize there is not much to figure out, that some people are not meant to be together. That's that. On lesser days i worry about why i still need affirmation about the relationship, need justification- i suppose and element of this is because we have children, the old fashioned idea that children are the living embodiment of the love between two people. And yet, had we not had children, i would still want to know if i ever held a special place for her special based on the simple reason of who i am. She had never given that to me, or meted it out in such small, confusing doses.
Others had, have- i know what i mean to Noire, no question at all and it is a comfortable place to be. Yet, why allow myself to be haunted by something that never would be, that never was?
On my simplest of days, i just need to hear The Land make some geeky comment about her latest internet obsession or listen to The Sea describe what she did in school that day to know that answer.
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