i against i

As i discussed in August, my relationship with Noire can progress no further unless i commit to having a child.  After much back and forth, much of it swaying me to have one more, i told her in late November that i would.

I am partially there, as i was with her moving in and marriage.  In those situations, after i committed it brought me to being entirely committed.  That has not been the case in this situation- i ended up going in the opposite direction, and now know that i truly do not want to have more children. 

i struggle with the fact that it would make her happy, that it would put off my life goals only slightly, but what bothers me the most is that it goes against my intuition, and the last time i went against my intuition i ended up marrying a woman that i eventually divorced.