There is an odd uncertainty that comes over me when asked "How are you doing?"
Close friends and family used to ask it in a tentative tone in the months after my attempt, but, convinced that it is behind me, now ask in the same tone anyone would.
i pause, always, and, not wanting to resort to cliches, sometime say something ludicrous, like "rockin'!" Other times with "Fine. How bout you?" It's easier to redirect the conversation.
It is too difficult to answer. Most days it crosses a gamut of contradictory emotions.
i should reply with, "i go to movies." In that ninety to 120 minute period, i forget how i am, who i am, hiding in the dark i am just an observer and am angrily disappointed if the film is so bad that it doesn't make me forget me.
