Life keeps unfolding for me, in ways that vacillate between disturbing and triumphant.
Six years ago, at a dinner with RI conference attendees in DC, i "connected" (don't care for that characterization) with a woman who i had known only peripherally. i was drawn to her because she is funny, lively, attractive, sunny, and reminded me a little of Daisy. We work in the same field, but at different companies.
The night was so special to me, i wrote a poem to remember it, and to work out why i felt so drawn to her. The subject of that poem came up last December and she was insistent that i send it to her, against my better judgment.
She replied via facebook, very superficially, and i thought no more about it. Before the DC trip this year, she sent me a message saying that our hotel had a rooftop bar and that maybe we could get a drink and she would explain her "oddly formal response" to my poem.
i didn't pursue her suggestion; in fact, since recognizing my attraction to her, i have kept myself in check. But two nights ago, she told me that she didn't know what the poem meant in terms of our relationship. i told her it didn't necessarily mean anything, that i just wrote it because i felt moved to capture our connection.
i had no idea as to where this would go, but as it became clear i embraced it fully. We were together until the early hours of the morning- i have survived the last two days on eight hours of sleep and the bliss that is born out of falling for someone.
Someone who is married.
i am dwelling on whether or not i am a bad person, for being with a married woman (again) an for being unfaithful to Seraph. Seraph has made it clear that she does not want a serious relationship, that we are not committed to anything, but regardless of what is logical, my heart doesn't feel any better.
And what started in DC didn't stay there- it followed me to back home because she is the first in two years who has shown me that ExA isn't an end.
