My youngest daughter asked it again, as we drove home from having dinner with some family.
"But WHY did you move out?"
It sends me into turmoil, trying to explain that A and I will always be their parents, just not each other's husband and wife. My answer is rote, i answer it the way the experts say i should answer it.
Problem is, my heart still cannot catch up. If i don't believe it, will they?
In counseling this week, he suggested that i see my marriage with A as one that had potential but potential that was never going to be realized. This comforted me somehow, but after the fact, i dissected it too far.
i realized that it was the potential that kept me motivated in my love for A:
Just one more soul baring and she'll love me.
Just one more card and she'll finally see what she means to me.
One more play and she'll miss me and want to spend time with me.
It was a losing battle that i refused to see until i decided to fight selfishness with selfishness. Now i hope that i can find a woman just like her but who wants to be with me.
