identity + crisis

Today's question: why do i keep kissing women that i do not want to date?

i met up with a friend for drinks last night, which turned into dinner and eventually ended up at her house drinking wine. When we kissed, it was felt very good, so i let it go... i have been told that i should stop thinking so much and just "go with it." While that advice might be good in some situations, it has lead me to two relationships that i truly do not want to continue in a romantic manner.

i have known this woman for many years, but have not spent time with her alone. She's attractive, intelligent and funny, but so is K**** and the other woman i am currently seeing. those traits are lost on me at this time; it's like i cannot appreciate them because of this layer of A.

And the ultimate joke on me from the universe: i am having more physical intimacy in these last four months than in the last year of my marriage, and i could care less. It doesn't amount to what i thought it would.

i am going to end up being this mess of neuroses if i cannot take time to mourn the divorce and get it out of my system. This needs to come to me as lips meet, not the day after.