Traveling

i am fortunate enough to have job that takes me away every once in awhile to beautiful places. Right now, my co-workers and i are in Islemorada in the upper Keys, staying in a house on the water. For a human services company, this is a pretty good perk, although it will be ending as the political climate in our state is such that funding will be cut. While it saddens me to be taken away from my family a couple of times a year, it is a very nice aspect of the job, giving us a place to work that is isolated from our everyday surroundings and focus on planning and execution.

But, the nights are the hardest. Something about that time of the day that evokes a slight melancholy, brought on by missing my family. And then this other issue, longing for her.

For every second i spend thinking about her is a second taken from my wife. And while we may not be the most romantic married couple in the world, we are very good friends and i regret treating a friend this way.

My black and white view of the world frames it into choosing either a ideal view of love, where the two people are destined for one another and one another alone. The second is considerably less rosy, that people just find people and commit for as long as one, or both desires, that there is nothing in the universe influencing it.

i am sure it falls somewhere in between, or perhaps i am neglecting the fact that there are many more paths. i just wish that i could stop traveling and just arrive.

i just can't shake my own path, where i had dreamed of a woman for years, always angelic, with long blond hair. When I met A, i knew she had been the one that had been in my head for years, and that it wasn't just a fantasy. Her inattention to us over the years makes me wonder otherwise.