green returns, as does blue

It is the low time of year, a two month span that starts around the 23rd of March and ends with the last day of May. i miss her less and less with each month, but still cannot help but leave flowers at the church door every year on our anniversary. Noire is patient with me, allows me my space although she wants to touch me, make it better....not sure she knows what causes the sickness. i am sure she has her suspicions, but they are misdirected: she probably blames ExA, and while she is an ingredient, it's an apathy for everything in my life- fatherhood, friendships, work.