It gets harder and harder to remain in contact with the Land and The Sea, although i am not so dumb as to realize the pain of not seeing them would be worse.
But i would get used to not seeing them. i have no reason to not believe this, as i am assured by those around me i will get used to losing the love of my life, get used to having this scar of an affair forever on my soul.
And right now all i want to do is get away from this pain. It goes underground then comes back stronger: last night in a dream where ExA and i reunite (typical non linear images, but that was the idea... i remember the dream me thinking about how this would affect my relationship with Seraph).
And again this morning.
While driving them to ExA's, i asked the Land if she would call me Saturday afternoon and tell me about her birthday party, which I will not be attending. She replied that they would probably be too busy to call me, that her step sister would be there and spending the night. Then she went into great detail about the wonderful weekend she will have with her step sister.
Immediately, i go to the place i find most comforting. Suicide is selfish and short sighted.
And freeing.
