Things with Seraph haven't really gone anywhere, so i decided to act on a crush i have had on a woman at work. She is also younger than me, and whenever i see her i am utterly taken by her eyes. While out with a group that included her a few weeks ago, she made a comment about liking the pink Starbursts the best. So, after getting eight bags and picking out all the pink ones, I sent them all in a box to her with a card telling her that i would like to go out with her.
i am surprised that i am not more anxious- i guess it's more of losing that fear that drove me in life, especially in the last few years of marriage, when i felt as though i could do nothing right, that i was all wrong, worthless.
If she is unimpressed, if she is disinterested, no matter- i did what i wanted, and didn't look back. All of that romantic stuff i have missed for so long, that i wasted on an uncaring wife and a mistress with whom i wanted nothing, animates me again, brings life to trees and not trees, connects all poetry, art and music.
It's been not quite a year, but i thought for sure that i would regret not living for well over 365 days. i was wrong. And that's okay.
